Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Wiggle Room

Last week, I won tickets to Disney On Ice. I took my 2nd daughter and my best friend and her daughter. It was a mess as our tickets were not at Will Call when we got there. But to make a long story short, we got in. I had not been to a show at the Coliseum since last December.

We found our seats and even though we missed the beginning of the show, we were happy to be there. As I sat there, after a while I suddenly realized, I fit in my seat. Well, I've always "fit" in my seat, but never comfortably. The arms of the chairs used to cut into my hips as I sat. I could never get my legs comfortable. This experience was totally different. I sat there, and actually had wiggle room. I had room to put my hands on either side of me, in the seat! It was an amazing feeling. I cannot remember the last time I comfortably sat in those seats, maybe at the circus in middle school.

Just another way my journey has positively impacted my life.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Biggest Loser

A new season of Biggest Loser started last night. It was great. I shed tears. I really connected with "Becky" mom of 4, 238 lbs. At the beginning of the week, she got a phone call in the middle of the night. Her husband called to tell her that her father had passed away. He was suffering Congestive Heart Failure, he was also a diabetic. How I relate to Becky: I am the mom of 4 (3 girls 1 boy), I ended my last session of Body Back at 238 lbs. My father is a diabetic who has suffered from congestive heart failure, but praise God, I still have my dad in my daily life. Her story just struck me. I loved how when she learned about her father's passing, she did not immediately break down and raid a fridge... instead, she got up and went to the gym and worked out her frustrations. She was dedicated to making a change in her life. She used this awful news to inspire her and energize her. And while everyone else stayed on the ranch, she went home to be with her family for a short time. She came back for weigh in, and bless her heart, that first week, she lost 10 lbs! I was so proud of her.

Hearing all of their stories, I UNDERSTAND where they are, how they got there and how difficult it is to let go of everything we hold on to. How difficult it is to STOP letting others define who we are, I get it! As my friend, Jenny, says, you've got to find your "AWESOME." Get it back and don't let go! We have to stop letting other steal our Awesome! We are beautifully made, hand sculpted to be who we are.

I look at my body, and I'm sad at what I've done to it. This body was a gift and for far too long, I didn't appreciate that gift. I didn't care for the gift properly. I mistreated my gift. I abused my gift. I let others define my gift as something less than desirable. Through my journey, I'm rediscovering this gift. I have a new view of this gift. A renewed passion to care for this gift. I don't believe that God gives us anything that HE knows we can't take care of... however, it is up to us and our free will to do with the gift as we want. When I stopped to remember that my body is a gift created for me specifically and according to His plans for me, I realized just how much I've mistreated my gift. I want this body to glorify God. I want this body to be all that HE destined for it to be. Yes, I will have saggy arms, but that is my consequence for misusing my gift. That doesn't mean I should stop caring. He gave me 2 legs... 2 working legs -- if I just sit all the time and never use those legs, then what is the purpose of having legs? I'm neglecting the gift. He gave me 2 working arms. I think of Shylar, my sweet little cousin, with her 1 arm. She was born that way. Does she let having 1 arm hold her back from anything? NO WAY! Should I make excuses for not doing things when I have 2 arms? NO WAY! If a child with 1 arm doesn't let her 1 arm limit her, then why should I with 2 arms put up limitations for myself? I am SO blessed to have this body. I need to care for it like the gift it is!

I had to do an interview this week for a special project at church. The topic was FEAR of FAILING and what gives us the courage to face that fear. My point of view was from the weight loss aspect. I started putting my weight on in 2nd grade. I've almost never known life without obesity. As a preschooler, I was a model. I thought highly of myself. I even said, I'd never get fat like my sister. -- yes, I said those horrible words. I said them in front of a family member, who has never let me live down the fact that I did in fact get fat, fatter than my sister has ever been in her life. This family member has made it her mission, to tell people what I said when I was 4. It is often the topic of conversation when this person meets new friends of mine. For far too long I let this define me. Of course, throughout my life, I've tried losing weight. I've tried and I've failed, usually through negative self talk and allowing other's opinions of me to define me and my self worth. Having tried and failed so many times, I became fearful of failing, so fearful it would keep me from even trying.

When I started my journey with Body Back, my biggest fear was not seeing results. My next biggest fear was seeing results and getting complacent and lazy thinking "I've got this." What has given me courage to continue has been my faith and my realization that this body is only a gift. Knowing that God created me and can sustain me. Knowing that He intended this body to be a healthy place for my soul to dwell in. When I am feeling weak, I look back at where I started on March 1 at 288 lbs. I look at that picture. I'm smiling in that picture. I don't look miserable at all, but I don't look truly happy either. I almost look like I'm suffocating, but OK with it. Then I look at where I was 8 weeks later, thinner, standing taller... so on and so forth, until I get to my current picture. And I see JOY on my face. I'm not near my goal yet, but I am filled with JOY as I have come so far. I have learned so much.

My fears are still very much a part of me. I am great a sabotaging myself. I need no help. I can really talk myself into some trouble. It's just that now, when the fear creeps up, when I start making poor decisions related to my overall health -- I now can bring myself back around. I have become equipped with the tools to ask God for help. I've got support in place to keep me motivated. The fear will always be there, but I don't ever have to succumb to the fear. I am wonderfully made, by a Creator who gives me the strength I need to be all that He created me to be. I'm so thankful for the HOPE I have in HIM!

Today was a weigh in day. I went in with NO fear. I knew that I was going to have a success today. I started this session at 234.5 and today I weighed in at 232.5. More exciting than anything is that I can say now, I have LESS than 100 lbs. to lose in order to reach my overall goal! I only have 33 to lose to reach ONEderland!!!

Have a successful day and remember that YOU are AWESOME! Don't let anyone tell you any differently! xoxo

Saturday, September 17, 2011

I did not fall off the face of the earth!

OK, I know it has been a while since I posted, and this post will be brief, but you never know, I could post again later today! Life has been so busy!!! Body Back started, then school started, then preschool started, I'm working on The Congenital Heart Walk Central VA 2011 and I'm about to leave for Disney to do my very first running race! See, BUSY!

Body Back is going great so far. VERY tough, but I feel it is working. My clothes are beginning to get looser and it looks like I may be down a size by Halloween!!! Won't that be awesome!? I'll answer that, YES!

I've been continuing training for the 8k, though I may not actually run the Richmond race. I do still plan to do the VA Beach race in March, however. Speaking of training. I'm about to head out the door for Mother Runner Training Team. I'm quite intimidated and nervous about this run. It will be my furthest run yet, and it is pretty chilly outside. So, if you are reading this between 7 & 8 a.m. on Saturday morning, then please say a little prayer for me!

Time for me to get ready and go! Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Assessment Update

Weight: 234.5
Inches: I did not pay attention!!! Sorry.
BUT, what that 234.5 means is that I am now down 54 lbs from where I started on March 1!!! THAT is super exciting. We did not run today, due to the weather. We should run our 1/2 on Thursday. I'll post again on Thursday with my goals and with my run time. Looking forward to this new session! Hoping to drop between 10-15 lbs before my brother in laws wedding in October. That's a tall order, but if I work hard and do what I am supposed to, I can make it happen!

Today is a big day!

Not only does school start today, but I'm back to class myself... BODY BACK CLASS!!! Looking forward to it. Can't wait to see what I can sculpt this go round! 15 lbs. goal this go round. With all the traveling I'll be doing, that is sure to be a challenge, but I'm up for it! :) Must stay focused!

I will be back and let you know my starting weight for this session and my assessment results. Stay tuned...

Friday, September 2, 2011

Friday and a long weekend!

Got up this morning and ran with Kim Hughes. Always such a treat to run with Kim because we can find so much to talk about. The talking through the run makes the run go so quickly. When I first started the run this morning, I was not feeling it. I was thinking, maybe we should only do 2 miles instead of 3. I just wasn't interested in doing more. Before I knew it, we were back to where we had started and we'd run all 3 miles we intended to run. That is such a great feeling. We kept it a nice easy pace for both of us.

Today's run, while shorter, was actually harder than the 4 miles we did yesterday. It turns out 10 degrees and high humidity makes a HUGE difference in how you run! This morning, the air was thick and heavy. Yesterday, the air was light and crisp. HUGE difference in the two days, and thus a huge difference on the run.

I got two new running shirts last night. I got my fall/winter jacket type pullover as one of my shirts. It is white w/ reflective material. I love it! And I got a new pink short sleeve tech shirt. It is SUPER bright, so that I hope drivers can see me now when I run. I need to find running tights for when the weather begins to turn cold. I have a favorite kind of sock. I got them at Target, and now I hate running in any other kind of sock. I must find more of these awesome socks!

I'm very interested in making BETTER quality exercise clothing for "plus size" figures. I know that I can now wear exercise clothing from big name brands, but prior to losing 52 lbs. I could hardly find any good workout clothing. Everything was cotton. Dry wicking was non-existent. Forget about compression leggings/capris. AND, everything was frumpy/dumpy. I've googled like a mad woman, and cannot find quality "plus size" workout clothing. I know how I felt when I started, I felt defeated, fat, ugly and sweaty. Have good quality, good feeling clothing to workout in, makes me more excited to workout. So, I'm determined to find a company to work with to develop a line of clothing geared to the women who have 100+ to lose, who are serious about their weight loss and who want to feel good while they are working out. I'm passionate about this! I have to figure out how to make it happen.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Four Miles and an Aftershock

This morning, I got up at 4:50 to get ready for my run. I did everything I normally do, and then I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a water and ran out the door. I was a little bit early, but that was OK for me, I didn't mind being early. I got in my car and headed to the meeting spot for the run, to meet with Kim. Apparently, in my running around and getting in the car, we experienced a 3.4 aftershock. Not terrible, but it would have been noticeable, had I not been in my zone, focused on my impending run. The aftershock did not rouse anyone in our house. I didn't even know about it until I got back in my car after the run. I turned on the radio, and they were talking about the aftershock and where everyone was when it happened. I realized then, that it was probably as I was getting into my car to leave the house, and thus, why I didn't notice it. I called my mom to check in. She said she slept through it. I called my sister, and she said, at first it sounded like big rain drops, but then she realized it wasn't raining and it was actually her house rattling. Her alarm had gone off just minutes before her house shook.

These aftershocks are the follow up quakes to the original quake, which was a 5.8/5.9 quake from last week. So far the strongest aftershock has been a 4.5 and that one woke me up. I was pretty sure it was an aftershock, but Matthew said it was a train. Only I never heard a train whistle, so I knew better.These aftershocks can go on for quite some time, so I am told.

I hoped on my Wii this morning before my run. I weighed in and am holding steady at 236 -- that means I've lost 2 lbs. since Body Back ended AND I did not gain anything while on vacation. Hot Diggity! I have 36.5 lbs to lose by New Years. I don't know if it is possible, but I am SURE going to give it my best shot! :)

My run with Kim this morning was a nice easy 14:45 pace. We ran for 4 miles. It was a glorious morning. My knee had been bothering me, but not during my run (thank goodness). So this week, I've done two 3 mile runs and a 4 mile run. I'm pretty pleased with training! Training this week called for two 2 mile runs, a 3 mile run and then a 3.5 mile run. So, at some point, I have another half mile I need to squeeze in, if I don't make it to the 3.5 mile run on Saturday.

My Disney 5K is one month from today. I am very much looking forward to this event and running it with my sorority sister, possibly 2 of them. I think I am ready. Now to maintain and make sure I don't get hurt between now and then!