Biggest Loser

A new season of Biggest Loser started last night. It was great. I shed tears. I really connected with "Becky" mom of 4, 238 lbs. At the beginning of the week, she got a phone call in the middle of the night. Her husband called to tell her that her father had passed away. He was suffering Congestive Heart Failure, he was also a diabetic. How I relate to Becky: I am the mom of 4 (3 girls 1 boy), I ended my last session of Body Back at 238 lbs. My father is a diabetic who has suffered from congestive heart failure, but praise God, I still have my dad in my daily life. Her story just struck me. I loved how when she learned about her father's passing, she did not immediately break down and raid a fridge... instead, she got up and went to the gym and worked out her frustrations. She was dedicated to making a change in her life. She used this awful news to inspire her and energize her. And while everyone else stayed on the ranch, she went home to be with her family for a short time. She came back for weigh in, and bless her heart, that first week, she lost 10 lbs! I was so proud of her.

Hearing all of their stories, I UNDERSTAND where they are, how they got there and how difficult it is to let go of everything we hold on to. How difficult it is to STOP letting others define who we are, I get it! As my friend, Jenny, says, you've got to find your "AWESOME." Get it back and don't let go! We have to stop letting other steal our Awesome! We are beautifully made, hand sculpted to be who we are.

I look at my body, and I'm sad at what I've done to it. This body was a gift and for far too long, I didn't appreciate that gift. I didn't care for the gift properly. I mistreated my gift. I abused my gift. I let others define my gift as something less than desirable. Through my journey, I'm rediscovering this gift. I have a new view of this gift. A renewed passion to care for this gift. I don't believe that God gives us anything that HE knows we can't take care of... however, it is up to us and our free will to do with the gift as we want. When I stopped to remember that my body is a gift created for me specifically and according to His plans for me, I realized just how much I've mistreated my gift. I want this body to glorify God. I want this body to be all that HE destined for it to be. Yes, I will have saggy arms, but that is my consequence for misusing my gift. That doesn't mean I should stop caring. He gave me 2 legs... 2 working legs -- if I just sit all the time and never use those legs, then what is the purpose of having legs? I'm neglecting the gift. He gave me 2 working arms. I think of Shylar, my sweet little cousin, with her 1 arm. She was born that way. Does she let having 1 arm hold her back from anything? NO WAY! Should I make excuses for not doing things when I have 2 arms? NO WAY! If a child with 1 arm doesn't let her 1 arm limit her, then why should I with 2 arms put up limitations for myself? I am SO blessed to have this body. I need to care for it like the gift it is!

I had to do an interview this week for a special project at church. The topic was FEAR of FAILING and what gives us the courage to face that fear. My point of view was from the weight loss aspect. I started putting my weight on in 2nd grade. I've almost never known life without obesity. As a preschooler, I was a model. I thought highly of myself. I even said, I'd never get fat like my sister. -- yes, I said those horrible words. I said them in front of a family member, who has never let me live down the fact that I did in fact get fat, fatter than my sister has ever been in her life. This family member has made it her mission, to tell people what I said when I was 4. It is often the topic of conversation when this person meets new friends of mine. For far too long I let this define me. Of course, throughout my life, I've tried losing weight. I've tried and I've failed, usually through negative self talk and allowing other's opinions of me to define me and my self worth. Having tried and failed so many times, I became fearful of failing, so fearful it would keep me from even trying.

When I started my journey with Body Back, my biggest fear was not seeing results. My next biggest fear was seeing results and getting complacent and lazy thinking "I've got this." What has given me courage to continue has been my faith and my realization that this body is only a gift. Knowing that God created me and can sustain me. Knowing that He intended this body to be a healthy place for my soul to dwell in. When I am feeling weak, I look back at where I started on March 1 at 288 lbs. I look at that picture. I'm smiling in that picture. I don't look miserable at all, but I don't look truly happy either. I almost look like I'm suffocating, but OK with it. Then I look at where I was 8 weeks later, thinner, standing taller... so on and so forth, until I get to my current picture. And I see JOY on my face. I'm not near my goal yet, but I am filled with JOY as I have come so far. I have learned so much.

My fears are still very much a part of me. I am great a sabotaging myself. I need no help. I can really talk myself into some trouble. It's just that now, when the fear creeps up, when I start making poor decisions related to my overall health -- I now can bring myself back around. I have become equipped with the tools to ask God for help. I've got support in place to keep me motivated. The fear will always be there, but I don't ever have to succumb to the fear. I am wonderfully made, by a Creator who gives me the strength I need to be all that He created me to be. I'm so thankful for the HOPE I have in HIM!

Today was a weigh in day. I went in with NO fear. I knew that I was going to have a success today. I started this session at 234.5 and today I weighed in at 232.5. More exciting than anything is that I can say now, I have LESS than 100 lbs. to lose in order to reach my overall goal! I only have 33 to lose to reach ONEderland!!!

Have a successful day and remember that YOU are AWESOME! Don't let anyone tell you any differently! xoxo